Divine Dating Truths

General Dating Tips
First Date Tips
Expert Advice Articles

In the emotionally topsy-turvy world of the heart, Divine Intervention stands firmly behind a few undeniable tenets.

GENERAL DATING TIPS

Surround yourself with people who are just as positive about dating and relationships as you are. Negative friends bring negative energy, and this can lower your self esteem making it harder for you to relax and enjoy yourself.
Approach dating with specific goals in mind. If it's marriage you're looking for, be honest with yourself about your own expectations. If you don't want anything serious, let your partner know.
If you're not connecting with someone, don't lead them on. It's better to tell the truth than continue forward with lukewarm feelings. Be diplomatic and courteous, and you will become more confident in general.
When it comes to picking a good spot, remember that "less crowded, more quiet" is part of a successful first date. Pick somewhere you're comfortable and confident that you will be able to both see and hear your date.
BE ON TIME. Making someone wait for you may make them anxious and uncomfortable, and could taint the rest of your date.
Always be polite. Everyone has something of value to offer, so even if you feel right away that this person is not for you, appear interested until the date is over. It's a short amount of time and you never know what may come of this meeting.
Body language can make or break a date. Often we stand or sit in an off-putting way without realizing it. Remain as open as possible. Avoid crossing your arms and appearing closed off; lean in and subtlety mirror your date.
Tell the truth. Lying about your age or embellishing your income, education or personal stats is a slippery slope. It can be exhausting, and when the truth comes out it's hard to rebuild trust.

FIRST DATE TIPS: THE BARE BONES ESSENTIALS

Relax
A first date is not the stuff of life or death. Take some deep breaths, go for a run, have a massage or a long hot bath beforehand. Pop some Bach Flower Rescue Remedy into your purse. A drop under your tongue should take a bit of the edge off. And please choose an outfit that you feel entirely comfortable and attractive in.
Check in with your mood
A successful first date is light and playful. Decide to have fun and stick with that decision, even if you know in your heart of hearts the personal fit is absent. Treat it as a practice session or as an opportunity to make a new friend.
No investment
Leave any expectations at the door. If you are too invested in the outcome, desperation will be written all over you. Yech. So think in terms of what you can give to the other person - how you can make them feel good or at ease. Funnily enough, that should make you feel good and at ease too.
Are you a winter or a spring?
Women, wear your most flattering color. As a general rule, remember that by suggesting vulnerability, peachy pink inspires the protector in men. Deep red, burgundy or plum will scare away any man not up for a strong woman. Red, the most sensual of colors, denotes sex and power. You may be in for an interesting ride if you decide to step out in it.
For men, blue is always a safe bet. Blue suggest stability and loyalty - a fantastic candidate for a long-term relationship. A man in blue is regarded as dependable and monogamous.
Fashion plate
Even if you consider yourself always on the cutting edge of fashion or an incurable creative, it’s always a good idea – for both sexes - to dress more on the conservative side for the first date or two. If a woman dresses like a sexpot, it’s unlikely that her date will view her as a serious contender for a long term relationship. Similarly, if attire is too “out there”, it may be intimidating.
Lock, smile and drop
Interested? Then try a little flirting. Lock eyes for a full five to six seconds, then smile and drop your gaze. Do this at least three times in a ten to fifteen-minute period. Eye contact is a universal signal of openness and you’ve now declared open season. Lock, smile, drop X 3 is the recipient’s signal to shoot, aim and fire.
Smile
Smile please. This is the most important thing you can do to make yourself more attractive.
Expose your neck
No turtlenecks ladies – but neither do you require a plunging neckline. Just use a little effort to show your neck. A head tilt to one side, the classic hair flip, or the beguiling double whammy over-the-shoulder glance/ lock eye combination is fantastic dating ammunition.
Preen
Subconsciously, people tend to preen or groom themselves when attracted to someone. So, smooth your hair or clothes, or straighten your tie. Multi-task: combine a grooming gesture with a smile and a gaze. Okay, maybe that’s a bit much for the guys.
Lip service
Red, moist lips signal youth, sex and fertility to both men and women. Red lipstick will actually increase a man’s heart rate. A youthful color, it makes your smile more visible and your teeth whiter. Shiny lip-gloss makes lips look moist and kissable. So take your pick ladies – red or shiny – or maybe even both. For both men and women, subtly licking your lips or biting your lower lip also signals ‘come hither’.
Cross your legs (Women)
Crossing and uncrossing your legs - especially if you're wearing high heels - is particularly beguiling. It makes men desire to see more. Slipping your heel out of your shoe and dangling it on your toes will have men eating out of your hand. Just think, the arch of the foot mimics a woman's curves.
Be a man
Women are biologically attracted to more dominant men, so stand tall with your shoulders back. Take up some space. Wear bulkier, slightly conservative clothing, hold your head up, and speak assertively.
Stance
To be approachable, women should stand with their feet no farther than 6 inches apart with toes pointed slightly inward. Make room for a man; think small.
Men should stand with their feet 6-10 inches apart and toes pointing outward. Provide a safe shelter for the woman; think big.
Subtle reflection
When attracted, people mirror each other's body language with similar gestures, voice volume and speed. Subtly mimick your date’s behavior. If she leans forward, you lean forward. If he reaches for his glass, you reach for yours. Try matching their energy. By doing so, your ‘mirror’ will begin to feel as though you’re singing two part harmony." But always be conscious of invading another’s personal space.
Smell
Smell good please. Personal hygiene is an obvious. But women, men love the smells of cinnamon and vanilla. Does it harken back to childhood? Who knows? Does it matter? Wear it if you can. And apparently, black licorice for men is the secret key for many women. Once again, we can only speculate…
Ask and listen
Use the first date or two to gather information and intoxicate your date. If you act as if they are utterly fascinating – it’s a great aphrodisiac. So ask questions. Always smile and maintain gentle eye contact as the other person responds, focusing all of your attention on what they are saying. Signal you're listening by the nod and head tilt. Again a smile and laughter will put the other person at ease and deepen any connection. And remember, before you decide to fall in love with someone, find out first if they have any ‘deal-breakers’ lurking.
Touch
Light, non-threatening touching such as touching the hand, is a true sign of attraction.
Relax again.
Don't fold your arms. Don't chew gum or your fingernails. Chewing suggests anxiety or frustration, neither of which are very attractive emotions. Try not to talk too fast or too much. Breathe, listen, and slow down.
Be yourself.
According to Sigmund Freud, “we leak the truth from every pore." Pretending to be someone you are not, will reduce your chances of meeting someone who is right for you. While always showing yourself in a good light, be careful not to exaggerate your accomplishments or make promises you don’t intend to keep. They’ll only catch up with you if the relationship progresses.
Wounded in action.
Resist the urge to discuss your ex (‘s) for at the least the first few dates. Or any self-revealing exposés for that matter. There will be plenty of time to compare battle scars. And even then, just touch on the essentials and try to avoid any of the gory details. You don’t want to trigger insecurities or invite judgment.
Accept compliments.
Learn to put things in perspective. Digest compliments and shrug off rejection. Begin to notice your feelings and where they are located in your body. Simple awareness is sometimes curative.
Don’t over-analyze.
Men and women don’t think alike. Who’s to know what they really meant – especially if they were nervous or shy on a first date? Give every statement the benefit of the doubt. Keep an open mind and an open heart.
Say 'no' graciously.
Always turn someone down graciously. See it as a form of compliment to be asked, even if the man or woman is not your type. Allow the other party to save face. Karma.

Expert Advice

Win-win dating - Mastering the deeper dynamics

By Olga Sheean

Does the mere thought of dating make you queasy? Putting yourself out there, making conversation and figuring out whether the other person is trustworthy, solvent or maybe just physically/emotionally/legally available, can be a draining process—one that you may not want to even contemplate unless the candidate sounds ideal from the start.

But screening your dates won't necessarily do the trick. Despite all your efforts to find someone whose profile 'ticks all the right boxes', the next person you arrange to meet for coffee is going to trigger any unresolved issues lurking in your subconscious. Old patterns from your own conditioning are going to come up as soon as you start dating again—and it will all seem horribly familiar. The key to getting out of that loop is to figure out what those issues are and what their purpose is. Then dating becomes a whole new ballgame.

How do you do that? Ironically, your date will give you all the clues you need. If he is self-absorbed and doesn't seem interested in you, he's emotional insecurity and needs to impress; if she is critical of you or others, she has low self-worth and a need to blame others; if he seems angry or resentful about an ex-partner, there's a lack of self-love, resulting in manipulation and power struggles. But all of these scenarios are caused by a lack of self-acceptance and self-awareness. And, in all cases, you may think it's all about the other person—and make a run for the door.

If you do, you'll simply encounter the same annoying patterns further down the road. Anyone who triggers you emotionally has the same issues as you, so use your dates wisely—to figure out what needs to be addressed in you so you can 'upgrade' your love life. No date is ever a mistake. Each one will present you with exactly what you need in order to address your issues. And the most fundamental issue for everyone is a lack of self-acceptance.

Our need for acceptance—in the form of love, money or recognition—distorts our personality, our self-expression and our sense of self. We spend our lives trying to obtain it, while subconsciously believing we don't deserve it. This sets us up for a lifetime of compromises, reactivity, judgements, projections and disappointments. What we don't realize is that demonstrating strong self-acceptance is the key to making our relationships work.

The trick is to start giving yourself the very quality you're not getting from your date. For example, if your date criticizes you, say something positive that makes you feel good about yourself; don't counter-attack, defend, justify or apologize, as this demonstrates low self-worth. If he talks only about himself, acknowledge him and ask (without sarcasm) if he's interested in knowing anything about you. (If not, thank him for his time and walk away. Resist the temptation to say (or think) “F you, pal”, which also demonstrates low self-worth.) If she is reticent or cagey, unwilling to divulge anything meaningful about herself, look her right in the eye and share something deeply heartfelt and authentic. Remember: the goal here is not to get the other person to accept, respect or connect with you; it's to get you to practise accepting, respecting and connecting with yourself so that you start to attract partners with equally healthy self-worth and emotional integrity.

So think of dating as a way of embodying all the qualities you want in your relationship. Be you, not a reaction to the other person. Express your feelings honestly and be aware of how that feels. Say no to whatever doesn't feel right for you, and accept and validate the other person also. Don't try to impress them, if you find them attractive, or judge them, if you feel they're not what you want. They're there for you to discover and explore your feelings, values and boundaries, by relating as mindfully and honestly as you can.

Successful dating is not about trying to find the partner who'll give you what you've been missing; it's about making yourself emotionally complete so you attract a partner who's similarly whole and perfectly complements all that you are.

Olga Sheean is a relationship/personal empowerment coach and the author of Fit for Love—find your self and your perfect mate. / www.olgasheean.com

Blissful pairing

By Mark Ainley

Love at first sight
There are usually two things that get someone to call a Feng Shui consultant: Money and Love. If "Money can’t buy me love," as the Beatles sang, a little focus can help you warm up to manifesting it for yourself. As Feng Shui operates largely on the ‘what you see is what you get’ principle, a closer look at your surroundings can help reveal subtexts about your hidden views of relationships and how you can smooth away any wrinkles.

"And a one, and a two..."
The most common theme I come across when consulting with singles who are looking to find a partner is the issue of singularity in artwork and possessions. While the art world is rich with images of women sitting or standing alone, having these front and center in your space starts to create a mindset that breeds aloneness. If you’re looking for partnership, it’s time to shift the focus from solitary singles to caressing couples. If you like art of single women, a book or album will help you appreciate the art without having it become the theme of your life. Images showing pairs of objects work just as well – pairs of flowers, apples, or other objects send neurological signals to the brain that gets it thinking about harmonious pairs.

The same goes for objects in your space. If you have random individual objects around your home, your surroundings speak to singularity. Arranging matching objects in pairs will gracefully introduce you to the concept of sharing space with an ideal match. Place pairs of spheres, flowers, candles, or other objects in close proximity to one another. Pay particular attention to the far right hand corner of each room (opposite side of the room from the door when looking in, on the right side). Ensure that this area features no single objects or odd numbers.

Rest your head
The position of your bed speaks volumes about relationships. All too often, people have the bed placed with one side up against a wall, due to architectural constraints or just a lack of awareness of the impact of such an arrangement. This means that one person in the relationship (if there is a relationship) will feel ‘up against a wall’. I have heard couples raise their voices about the sacrifice that one person has to make by sleeping next to the wall – those often-unspoken resentments do drain energy away from existing relationships, and this layout inhibits a potential partner from feeling fully welcomed and embraced. The bed should ideally be placed with equal space on each side so that each person is free to be independent and yet come together in a shared space.

Beware the "one night stand"
To create stability in a relationship, it is ideal to have matching end tables on either side of the bed to create a support structure for each person. One nightstand veritably does translate into a ‘one-night stand’ – there is not the place for another person to feel welcome enough to become a regular fixture. The same goes for lamps: matching lamps on these end tables are a must in order to create a shared viewpoint. The practical side of this is that if one partner wants to stay up reading, they don’t have to reach over the sleeping partner to turn off the one light in the room; this simple set-up creates a level of equality and independence that supports strong relationships.

Heating things up
Colour is an important part of creating the warmth required for a relationship. Blue and other dark tones in the bedroom create too cool a mood for love to blossom fully – they can keep one feeling ‘blue’. For things to heat up, you have to crank up the colour range: red tones such as shades of red, pink, and orange are essential. Not much cools things off faster than blue sheets! Create a warm glow in the bedroom and you never know what you might manifest to keep that glow alive.

Wrapping it up
With warm colours, a balanced bedroom, and positive imagery of coupling in your environment, you can shift the balance of your consciousness from singularity to blissful pairing. Don’t be overwhelmed if there are lots of changes to be made – one step at a time will get you to your destination. Amore!

Mark Ainley is a contemporary Feng Shui consultant based in Vancouver. A former resident of Tokyo, he consults internationally for home and business owners.
www.markainley.com

Expert Advice Articles:
Wish list or hit list? Is your love quest realistic? - By Olga Sheean (PDF)
Dating Style 101 - By Giovanni Amenta / Pink and Grey Image Consulting (PDF)
Check your messages ...and upgrade your life - By Olga Sheean (PDF)
Relationship recipe - By Olga Sheean (PDF)
The power of no - By Olga Sheean (PDF)
How to avoid Disaster: Dating 101 - By Kate Elliott (PDF)
Technology and Dating: "Progress" Isn't Always a Good Thing - By Kate Elliott (PDF)
Embrace the Single Summer Life! - By Kate Elliott (PDF)